my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
