i wish my penis had a tongue
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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