Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
