2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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