My cat gives me a boner
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
