I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
