Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
