i need an iv and a liver transplant
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
