every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
