I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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