Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
