i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
