Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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