If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
