I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
