If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
