You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize