Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
