At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize