I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
