Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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