Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Less talking, more tequila
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
