Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
