honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
