my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
