He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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