Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
