do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
