Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
