we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
