Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
