I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
