oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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