you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
