Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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