even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
