Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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