recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
