'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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