we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kissed a someone with a penis
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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