You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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