I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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