Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
