just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
