I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize