Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
