im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
