Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
