Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
