Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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