I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize