I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
