i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
