I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
