You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
