You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How external is "for external use only"?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
