I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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