dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
