Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize