he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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