drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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