my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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