the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
