im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could have mohawked her pubes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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