I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
