she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
