Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
