If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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