You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I party with great urgency now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
