I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
