theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize