He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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