You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love you. Go after that dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
