I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
