Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
