OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
