Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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