i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
