Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
