it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
