Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
