Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
