Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
