He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
