Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
